Creating a Holiday Season That Actually Feels Good for You

Marlo Drago
Dec 19, 2025
3 min read

Many of my clients enter December feeling pulled between obligation and authenticity. They want connection, but they also want rest. They want traditions, but not the ones that drain them. They want joy, but not at the expense of their mental health.

If this sounds familiar, here’s your permission slip: You’re allowed to create a holiday experience that actually feels good for you.

Let’s talk about “shoulds”

You should go to the family dinner.
You should host.
You should buy gifts for everyone.
You should keep every tradition alive.

Scenario: You RSVP “yes” to every invitation, spend hours wrapping gifts for people who barely notice, and collapse exhausted by December 24th. You’re overwhelmed, irritable, and resentful — yet you still feel like you should do it all. But what if the “shoulds” are the very thing keeping you burnt out?

Holiday season burnout is real

Especially if you’re a cycle breaker who grew up managing others’ emotions. You might still feel responsible for everyone else’s experience — even as an adult. That drive to over-give is rooted in your nervous system, your history, and survival strategies.

Redefining the holidays is not selfish. It’s healing.

Ideas for creating a holiday that honors your needs

1. Choose a theme

Calm, cozy, simple, intentional, restorative.
Scenario: You decide your household will focus on “cozy and calm” — minimal decorations, soft lighting, and quiet music — instead of chasing perfection.

2. Plan “buffer days”

Days with no obligations, no events, no expectations.
Somatic tip: On buffer days, notice your body. Take a long bath, stretch, or walk in nature. Let your nervous system reset.

3. Opt out of traditions that no longer fit

Just because you’ve always done something doesn’t mean you must continue.
Scenario: You skip the chaotic extended family brunch and instead enjoy a slow breakfast at home.

4. Create new rituals rooted in your values

Focus on what truly brings you meaning and joy.
Examples: Cooking one meal you love, lighting a candle to reflect on gratitude, or journaling about the past year.

5. Prioritize connection that feels safe, warm, and mutual

Let go of toxic or draining interactions.
DBT skill: Use DEAR MAN to set clear limits with family or friends — politely, firmly, and compassionately.

6. Nourish your body and mind on key days

Sleep in, enjoy a slow breakfast, take a walk, or journal.
Somatic tip: Notice where tension accumulates in your body and use gentle stretches, breathing, or warmth to release it.

Examples of meaningful new traditions

A holiday movie night with just your immediate family
A quiet morning with tea and soft music
Donating to a cause that matters to you
Cooking one meal you genuinely enjoy
Setting intentions for the coming year instead of rigid resolutions
Doing nothing — truly nothing — for an entire day

Scenario: You spend Christmas Eve curled up with a favorite book and candlelight, enjoying the calm rather than rushing to attend multiple events. You notice your chest and shoulders relax, your mind quiets, and you actually feel present.

Here’s the truth

Your holidays don’t need to look like anyone else’s. They don’t need to be big, social, or packed with events. They don’t need to be perfect. They don't need to be insta-worthy, picture-perfect,

They only need to feel like they’re yours.

Compassionate reminder: Your worth is not measured by how many gatherings you attend or how many gifts you give. It’s measured by your presence, your self-care, and your ability to show up for yourself.