How to Cope with Holiday Grief and Loneliness: Tips from Marlo Drago Therapy

December often arrives with a silent script — that we should feel joyful, connected, and grateful. We imagine cozy memories, family harmony, the warmth of togetherness. But real life is layered, and often far more complicated.

Maybe someone you love is no longer here. Maybe a relationship has shifted, broken, or become too painful to be near. Maybe you’re grieving a version of your life you thought you’d have by now. Maybe you’re navigating loneliness, new parenthood, exhaustion, or a “new normal” you didn’t choose.

If this holiday season feels heavier than you expected, you’re allowed to grieve that. Grief isn’t only about death — it’s about the gap between what you hoped for and what actually is. This guide will gently support you in coping with holiday grief and loneliness using nervous-system care, somatic awareness, and grounded, trauma-informed tools.

How Grief Can Show Up

Grief is not linear and does not follow a schedule. It often appears in unexpected ways:

• Feeling numb when everyone else seems excited

• Becoming overwhelmed more easily

• Avoiding traditions that now feel tender or activating

• Longing for the version of your life you imagined

There is nothing wrong with you for having these reactions. You are holding pain in a season that pressures people to perform joy — a season where the nervous system often becomes more sensitive, not less.

A common scenario: You arrive at a family gathering. There is laughter, decorating, stories of past holidays. Inside, you feel a tightness in your chest, tearfulness, or the urge to leave. These are natural somatic cues — your body alerting you that something feels different, tender, or emotionally unsafe. Your nervous system is responding exactly as it’s designed to.

How to Cope with Holiday Grief and Loneliness

Grounded tools from a trauma-informed, mind-body lens:

1. Make Room for Your Feelings

Grief needs spaciousness, not solutions.

Somatic tip: Pause and notice where grief sits in your body — your chest, throat, stomach, jaw. Place a gentle hand there. Breathe into that space with compassion. Let the sensation exist without trying to change it.

Sometimes naming the emotion aloud —“I feel sad, and that’s okay.”— can soften its intensity and calm your nervous system.

DBT skill – Opposite Action: If sadness urges you to withdraw completely, choose a small, safe action that gently nudges you toward connection or grounding. Not forced joy — just a quiet, tolerable shift. Examples: wrapping a gift, lighting a candle, listening to a calming playlist.

2. Slow Everything Down

Your nervous system may be overstretched. It’s okay to move at a gentler pace.

This might mean shorter gatherings, fewer obligations, or saying no without guilt.

Somatic tip: Practice mindful movement — slow walking, stretching, restorative yoga. Movement helps incomplete stress responses release from the body.

DBT TIP skills (Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, Progressive relaxation):These tools are especially helpful when grief turns into emotional flooding, anxiety, or shutdown.

3. Adjust Traditions Without Guilt

Traditions evolve as we evolve. You’re allowed to change, soften, or simplify them.

Scenario: Baking all the family cookies feels overwhelming. Instead, you choose one recipe — or none. Maybe you replace a tradition with something quieter, like lighting candles or watching one meaningful holiday movie.

Compassionate reminder: Your holidays do not need to mirror past years or anyone else’s highlight reel. They only need to feel manageable, safe, and nurturing for you.

4. Create Moments of Safe Connection

Connection is not about quantity — it’s about nervous-system safety.

This might look like:

• a coffee with a trusted friend

• a brief check-in call

• time with a partner or child

• gentle connection with a pet

• or even intentional time with yourself

Somatic grounding tip: During these moments, orient to the present: Notice the warmth of your mug, the sound of your friend’s voice, your feet supported by the floor. These cues signal safety to the nervous system.

5. Honoring Loved Ones Who Have Passed

Rituals can soothe grief and support the body in processing loss.

Consider a gentle ritual such as:

• Lighting a candle

• Playing their favourite song

• Cooking something they loved

• Speaking their name or sharing a memory

These practices keep connection alive in a way that feels nourishing, not overwhelming.

A Gentle Reminder

You don’t have to “get over” your grief to experience moments of comfort or joy. These experiences can coexist — in the same season, the same day, even the same breath.

You are allowed to feel joy and sadness. You are allowed to protect your energy. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to honour who or what you’ve lost. You are allowed to keep going at your pace. Your nervous system, your grief, and your healing all deserve compassion.

Recommended Books

For navigating grief and difficult holidays (click for link to purchase)

• It’s OK That You’re Not OK — Megan Devine

  A validating, honest exploration of grief with practical support.

• The Grief Recovery Handbook — John W. James & Russell Friedman

  A structured approach to understanding and healing grief.

• Healing After Loss — Martha Whitmore Hickman

  Daily reflections to support slow, steady emotional healing.

In wellness,

Marlo Drago MSW, RSW

www.marlodrago.com