Polyvagal Tips for a Calmer Holiday Season: How to Stay Regulated During the Holidays
- Marlo Drago
- 3 days ago
- 3 min read
The holidays can be beautiful — and they can also be overstimulating, unpredictable, and emotionally loaded. For many people with trauma histories or complex family dynamics, December often means navigating environments where your nervous system feels anything but safe.
Polyvagal-informed strategies can help you stay grounded, present, and connected to yourself, even when the external environment is chaotic. This blog provides key information on How to Stay Regulated During the Holidays
Why your nervous system feels activated this time of year
Even when you’re safe now, your body may respond as if it’s under threat. Common holiday triggers include:
Busy schedules — multiple events, errands, and deadlines
Financial stress — gift giving, hosting, or travel costs
Family conflict or criticism — old dynamics resurfacing
Increased social expectations — pressure to be cheerful or accommodating
Travel disruptions — airports, traffic, or long drives
Lack of routine — altered sleep, meals, and self-care schedules
These aren’t signs of personal failure — they’re indicators your body is trying to protect you.
Scenario: You arrive at a family gathering and the noise, chatter, and overlapping expectations feel overwhelming. Your chest tightens, stomach knots, or your mind races. That’s your nervous system signaling that it needs support — not that you’re doing anything wrong.
Five polyvagal tools to bring with you into the holidays
1. Long, slow exhales
Focus on breathing out longer than you breathe in. This sends a signal to your vagus nerve that you are safe.
Tip: Try inhaling for 4 counts and exhaling for 6–8 counts. Repeat for a few minutes before meals, gatherings, or stressful conversations.
Scenario: Before walking into a crowded holiday market, pause for a few deep, slow breaths to anchor yourself.
2. Orienting
Look around the room and let your eyes land on something pleasant or neutral. This helps your body recognize the present moment.
Tip: Scan for colors, textures, or shapes you enjoy — a twinkling light, a cozy sweater, or a decorative centerpiece.
Scenario: At a noisy family dinner, intentionally notice a small plant, painting, or holiday decoration. This grounds you in safety amidst stimulation.
3. Hand on heart + belly
Place one hand on your chest and the other on your lower abdomen. Apply gentle pressure and feel your body underneath your hands.
Tip: Notice your heartbeat, the rise and fall of your breath, and the warmth of your touch. This self-contact signals safety and presence.
Scenario: While wrapping gifts or cooking, pause for a few breaths with hands on your body to check in with yourself.
4. Temperature therapy
Temperature shifts help regulate your physiological state.
Hold a warm mug or cup of tea
Drink warm beverages
Use a cold compress behind your neck or a splash of cool water on your face
Scenario: Feeling tense during a long car ride? Sip a warm tea or place a hand-warm compress on your shoulders to soothe your nervous system.
5. Build a micro-escape plan
Create small, safe exits for moments where your body says “too much.”
Examples:
A short walk outside to reset
A few minutes in a quiet room
Sitting in your car for a brief pause
Taking a longer bathroom break
Tip: These breaks aren’t avoidance — they’re regulation. Labeling them as “reset moments” helps reduce guilt.
Scenario: At a crowded holiday party, excuse yourself for a 5-minute walk outside to lower tension and return calmer.
Self-compassion matters 💖
Your nervous system is not being dramatic — it’s responding to years of lived experience, conditioning, and survival strategies. Supporting it during the holidays isn’t indulgent. It’s essential.
Somatic reminder: Listen to your body’s signals, offer yourself grounding tools, and treat yourself with the same care you’d give a loved one navigating stress.
Compassionate DBT Skills
Radical Acceptance: Acknowledge your emotional experience without judgment — “I feel anxious and overwhelmed, and that’s okay.”
Wise Mind Check-In: Pause to identify what your rational mind and emotional mind are noticing, then act from your balanced Wise Mind.
Self-Soothing: Engage the senses — smell, touch, taste, sight, sound — to comfort your nervous system during challenging moments.
Recommended Books on Polyvagal and Nervous System Regulation
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk *– Explores how trauma impacts the body and nervous system.
by Deb Dana LCSW - A hands on workbook to help you learn, practice and reflect on your nervous system.
Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory *
by Deb Dana LCSW– Practical DBT strategies for managing stress and overwhelming emotions.
(* affiliate link)
In wellness,
Marlo Drago
Comments